Thursday, December 18, 2008

Greatest Guy Movies of our Generation

In the world there are movies and there are guy movies. We decided we needed to narrow things down a bit and compile a list of 15 of the Greatest Guy Movies of our generation. A few of the criteria we had were:
  1. The movie had to be from the last 20 years. I know there are plenty of awesome movies that are deserving of being on a list like this but we wanted the more recent ones. Sorry Dirty Harry.
  2. No War Movies. Come on ... if we included war movies that would take up half of our list.
  3. It must be about Cars, Guns, Violence or Getting Laid.
  4. It must make you feel more macho or cooler after watching it. No sappy crap unless it's used to get a manly point across or to make fun of someone.
  5. It needs to have a strong story with good dialogue and at least one character who portrays a 'Guy's Guy' type of personality.
  6. It needs to have some great one-liners
  7. Finally it should be a flick that Guys love and most chicks hate.

While compiling this list I found that somebody had already tried to create a list of the 50 greatest guy movies. He failed miserably. Sorry pal. Who freaking rates Braveheart in the top 10 of guy movies and places movies like Kingpin and the 5th Element ahead of Tombstone and the Boondock Saints? Fail!

Anyways after seeing it I realized nobody would dare accuse me of copying that crap. So onto Irish Road's list of the Greatest Guy movies of our generation.

15. Terminator 2: Judgement Day

10 yrs after the first Terminator was sent to destroy Sarah Connor A new terminator is after her son, John Connor, the leader of the resistance. In an attempt to preserve his life humans from the future send a protector to save John. It was probably Arnold Schwarzeneggar's most famous role to date and the movie in which he delivered the extremely overused and very famous lines, "I'll be back" and "Hasta la vista, baby." The movie was ground breaking for it's action and sci-fi movie genres as well as it's use of CG technology.

14. Gone in 60 Seconds

Nicholas Cage, A smokin' hot Angelina Jolie, 50 exotic cars stolen in one night. You don't need too much in the way of a plot with those elements in the movie. After his little brother gets into trouble for botching a car boost Memphis Raines returns to his old stomping grounds to finish the job for him and save his life. The plan is to steal all 50 cars in one night. The movie culminates on the final car when Memphis faces his unicorn, the '67 Shelby Mustang. Famous line of the movie: "What's more exciting having sex or boosting cars?" "How about having sex while boosting cars?"

13. Reservoir Dogs

It's a Quentin Tarantino movie so what else are you going to expect but great dialogue, guns, and violence. Reservoir Dogs is about a jewelry heist gone wrong. After it's revealed there is a traitor in the mix the players start to turn on each other. The movie has every type of violence imaginable from a torture scene to a Mexican standoff in which the traitor is revealed and the characters kill each other off. Famous line of the movie: "I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way."

12. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

In this movie, directed and written by Guy Ritchie, four friends put their money together to play in a high stakes poker game in order to win some easy money. They get into trouble when Harry the Hatchet cheats to win their money and put them into debt another five hundred thousand pounds with only a week to pay it off. In classic Guy Ritchie fashion their are multiple story lines in the movie that all tie together in the end when the friends are bailed out of trouble with remarkable luck and find themselves close to another fortune. Famous line from the movie: "If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya."

11. The Way of the Gun

This movie is a personal favorite of mine. Guns, violence and some of the best one-liners that any macho movie could have to offer. The opening scene sets the movie high above many. It's only purpose is to introduce the characters and Sarah Silverman get's punched. What more could you ask for?!? I mean it already drops an amazing quote. "Shut that cunt's mouth Or I'll come over there and fuck-start her head!" We find out that our two stars are trouble makers looking for a way to make the big bucks. "A pint of blood will fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum? Three grand." They discover that a wealthy couple are paying top dollar for a woman to be a surrogate mother for them and decide to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. I've got to tell you the tactical movement in this film for the gun fighters is spectacular and the battle sequences were all choreographed by a Navy SEAL. This film is macho on a level many others. Best one liner in the movie? "Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?"

10. Goldeneye

It's Bond, James Bond in probably one of the greatest action roles the character has ever had. Bond is trying to stop a Soviet General and his old friend stealing a deadly satellite weapon that's constructed to wipe out electronic systems. Along the way Bond destroys a city with a tank, takes out a train, and escapes trap after trap like only a badass spy can. No Bond movie would be complete without some kick ass cars and guns. Add in the gorgeous women like previously written about on our 'Hottest Female Villains' post and we have number 10 on our list. Aside from the usual "Vodka Martini, Shaken not stirred" and "Bond, James Bond" our favorite quote from this flick? Xenia Onatopp: "You don't need the gun." James Bond: "Well, that depends on your definition of safe sex."

9. Tombstone

It's the Wild West. It's manly men doing manly things. It's Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday. It's the Cowboys vs. the Law. There's no shortage of action in this flick. It doesn't lack macho characters and has a great story. Wyatt Earp and his brothers move to Arizona in hopes to live a peaceful and profitable life but they find out there's trouble following them and take up Law enforcement positions to establish the peace. The gun scenes are top notch as well as the dialogue between the characters. Famous line of the movie: "I'm your Huckleberry."

8. Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction has Samuel L. freakin Jackson. How much more manly do you need? It has Bruce Willis. Manlier still! It has brutal gun violence. There's a torture scene. Money and drugs are involved. Oh yeah and the story it pretty hardcore too. Quentin Tarantino out does himself with this film. With multiple story lines all tying into one at the end. There's no great way to explain this movie other than man-tastic! It can make a pre-pubescent boys balls drop faster that a nudie magazine. Quote of the movie: "That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth five dollars but it's pretty fucking good."

7. Fight Club

Not many lists would have Fight Club down so low but for what it's worth the movies ahead of this are pretty damn good. The narrator in this flick has insomnia. He tries to find comfort in going to support groups for people are really messed up or dying. Then Marla Singer shows up. The insomnia returns. The narrator needs comfort. He needs to find something else. And then Tyler Durden shows up. "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." Fight Club is formed. It's not about money. It's not about power. It's not about fame. It's about guys finding out about what they are made of. It's bloody and anarchy and has a great storyline with awesome guy character developement. Famous line of the movie: " My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

6. 300

The quest is manly. The bravery is manly. The fact that they believed in themselves was manly. The fact that they accomplished their task was unbelievably manly. Basically if you don't come out of this movie thinking that you're a badass just for witnessing it you might as well go buy some tampons. 300 men facing over 100,000 of Xerxes Persian Army. If nothing else you should watch the making of video and watch the training that the actors went through. Afterwards you'll have chest hair growing as thick as a rug. Famous line from the movie: "Spartans! Prepare for glory!"

5. The Boondock Saints

Who do you send to destroy a Russian mafia? The Irish. Who do you send to destroy the Italian mafia? The Irish. Who do you send to destroy the Irish? Charlie Weiss. Just kidding (sort of). Two Irish badasses take out the wicked in on unbelievably cool film. The gun factor is high. The death toll is catastrophic. And the story is unlike any other. The characters are cool and they let you know it with their actions. Oh ... and there's suppose to be a kick ass sequel coming out soon. Famous line from the movie: "Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you fucked!"

4. Diehard

This was an easy choice. It was the original and Detective John McLaine is one of the most macho guys in any movie. He's ruff around the edges. He tells people exactly what he thinks of them. He's no superman and he knows it but still will charge into trouble headfirst without a second thought of life or limb. No matter who the bad guy he'll find a way to kick their ass and piss them off while doing it. Because of him Diehard falls into number four on our list. Our favorite line of the movie: "Yipee Kiyay mother fucker!"

3. Heat

This is possibly the greatest bank robbery movie ever. EVER. The plan is well thought out and executed even better. Unfortunately the police aren't too shabby themselves. It's like watching a high-octane offense take on a top-notch defense. Who's gonna give first? To top it off it includes actors like Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Ashley Judd, and Natalie Portman. There may not be a better cast in any other movie. Defining line of the movie: "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

2. Swingers

How do you turn a boy into one of the guys? You make him watch Swingers. It's about a transplanted New Yorker named Mikey living in L.A. trying to get over his past relationship. That's where Trent and Sue come in. They take him through the steps of picking up a woman and along the way help Mikey get over his past relationship and get on with life. Doesn't sound manly enough? You've got guys sitting around playing NHL 94. Guys trying to get laid. Guys going to "Vegas, baby, Vegas." The film was honored with the first ever Guy's choice Award on Spike TV in 2007. Famous line of the movie: "You're so money and you don't even know it!"

1. Snatch

If you haven't seen this movie yet you should just go get your balls removed. It's that simple. For god's sake the movie title is a sexual innuendo. You've got a guy named Bullet tooth Tony, another named Boris the Bullet Dodger, Frankie Four Fingers, Brick Top. There's some badass scenes where people are killed. There's Jewelry theft, Bare knuckle boxing, unlicensed boxing and Irishmen. What else do you need? Once again, in this Guy Ritchie flick, it's multiple stories tying together to make one kick ass film and our top choice for Greatest Guy Movies of our generation. Famous line in the movie: "Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your gun... And the fact that I've got 'Desert Eagle point five O'... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!"

Honorable Mentions: The Usual Suspects, The Departed, The Quick and the Dead, Smokin' Aces, Point Break, Major League


Carl said...

As I was going down the list, I was getting worred that I wouldn't see Swingers. Number two is respectable, but I wanted No. 1.

No Coen brothers? I think Big Lebowski or No Country for Old Men should be there.

Irish Road said...

Good movies. I forgot about No Country for Old Men. Definitely one that should have been placed on the list somewhere. I'm sure I've missed one or two others.