Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Irish Road Head: Pittsburgh Girls

To end the old year and to start off the 2009 year just right I've decided to bring you the hottest girls in Pittsburgh colors. I searched far and wide to bring you these beauties. I must say. Steelers fans and Pens fans are tied for the hottest of all Pittsburgh women. For some reason it was nearly impossible to find any pictures of hot chicks wearing Pitt gear or Pirates gear. The Pirates one explains itself. But come on! Where are all of the hot girls in Pitt Panthers clothing?!? Anyways, Happy New Years! Enjoy!


Saturday, December 27, 2008

NFL PICKS: Week 17

Last week I went a lousy 9-7. But that just means as long as I don't completely screw up this week the 'Sports Guy', Billy Simmons, can kiss my ass until we pick next year's games. Do you like that you Boston schmuck? Do ya'?

The last two years the guy got beat by his wife. His wife for cryin' out loud! How does that happen? Maybe he needs to be the one wearing the apron and spending all day in the kitchen .... pussy!

Anyways ... there still is one more week left so I'm going to get down to business and pick Week 17. Ooooh yeah .... that's right .... It's business time!


St. Louis Rams at Atlanta Falcons (-11)

Can anyone believe that Magic Matt Ryan has a chance to put the Falcons into the number 2 seed in the NFC? I'm starting to doubt my previous thoughts that Joe Flacco is a better QB. Matt Ryan has done nothing short of a miracle in Atlanta. How many people have even mentioned Michael Vick this year without it being accompanied with 'people are forgetting him because of Ryan'. This game won't even be close.
Falcons -11

New England Patriots (-6) at Buffalo Bills
I know I shouldn't be but I am really rooting against the Patriots in this game. Has any team not named the Lions had a rougher year? I'm dating this back to the Super Bowl last year when their perfect season was shot down and NFL fans outside of New England rejoiced. Then Brady goes down in the first game. Now they're in a three-team melee to win the AFC east and may possibly be a 11-5 team without a playoff spot. This is too freakin' sweet! I still want no shot at them winning. Take care of business Buffalo.
Bills +6

Kansas City Chiefs at Cincinnati Bengals (even)
This is the perfect matchup for one of these teams to improve their draft pick for next season. Do you think either one of them will throw it? I don't doubt this one bit. What's impressive is that the Bungals actually have a shot of finishing the season on a three game winning streak! Momentum for next year!
Bengals win

Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers (-6.5)

Quick! Why would a 5-10 team ever be favored by a touchdown? Because they're playing the Lions! That was too easy ... next time we'll have a harder one (This is also what the Lions opponents have heard in their post game locker room speech).

Packers -6.5

Tennessee Titans at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5)
I've got to take the favorite here. The Titans are just going to be resting starters. After last week's demolition of Ben Roethlisberger they are assured of the top seed in the AFC. The Colts on the other hand are just trying to lock up the 3rd seed and maybe a second home playoff game later on down the road. Smooth sailin'.
Colts -1.5

New York Giants (-1) at Minnesota Vikings
The G-Men are in the same boat as the Titans. Nothing to play for in this game. They can rest some players. I think they'll come out with all of their starters and then sit them for the second half. The Vikings need this victory to assure themselves a playoff spot. Nothing is certain. Even if the Giants come out and play the Vikings have the ability to stop the run and Adrian Peterson (if he holds the ball this week) can make some big plays. Look for the Vikings to win.
Vikings +1

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (even)
The only one with anything to play for here is Carolina. Win and the two seed is yours. Lose and the Falcons might take it with a win of their own. The Saints could play spoiler in their attempt to help Drew Brees break Dan Marino's mark for single season passing yards. I myself am pulling for Marino and the Panthers.
Panthers win

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (-8)
The only way the Browns win this is if the Steelers don't try. This team in a normal matchup is virtually incapable of beating Pittsburgh at Heinz Field. That being said, I don't see the Steeler starters out there in the second half. But Byron Leftwich and Co. should seal the deal.
Steelers -8

Oakland Raiders at Tampa Bay Bucanneers (-5)
The Raida's suck. If the Bucs win they're in. In the rematch of Superbowl XXXVII .... whatever .... it was boring anyways. The Bucs win.
Bucs -5

Chicago Bears (-3.5) at Houston Texans
Dallas may be America's Team (as only they like to call themselves) but the Texans are Texas' Team. I like them to upset today.
Texans +3.5

Washington Redskins at San Francisco 49er's (-1)
Who freakin favored the Niners today? I like Frank Gore but he's banged up. He needs 22 yards to be the first 49er running back to rush for 1000 yards in 3 consecutive seasons. I think they'll be more concerned with the record today than the win.
Redskins +1

Jacksonville Jaguars at Baltimore Ravens (-7)
I'm going out on a limb here. I know Baltimore is a tough place to play and I know the Jags haven't exaclty lived up to expectations this year but the weather is going to be extremely nice on the East Coast this weekend and the Jags have been playing better as of lately. They may not win but I'll take them to cover.
Jaguars +7

Miami Dolphins (-1) at New York Jets
One thing is certain in this game. Brett Favre will throw 4 TD passes. The big question is, How many of them will be to the Dolphin defenders? God I hope it's 4. And I hope Chad Pennington puts a big Fuck You stamp on New York's field. That would be sweet!
Dolphins -1

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles (-2)
All I'm saying is if Jessica Simpson is within 1000 miles of this game today the Cowgirls will not win.
Cowboys +2

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals (-5)
I'm going out on a limb here and saying the Seahawks cover the spread and maybe even pull the upset for Mike "Pringles Can Man" Holmgren. While the Cards have been my sleeper pick all season they have absolutely sucked heading into the post-season. Let's hope they get some sort of momentum here.
Seahawks +5

Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers (-6)
I don't know about you but if I was a Charger I'd be pissed that I had to beat the Broncos twice to make the playoffs. How huge was that two point conversion at the end of their first meeting now? I like the Chargers to come out pissed. I like them to win. But the Broncos beat the spread.
Broncos +6

Last week: 9-7
Season Record: 131-106-2
Sports Queer's Record: 125-109-6

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bro-Mance, A Salute to Manly Men: Bear Grylls

We here On Irish Road like to salute the manly men of the world. The guys who help keep the testosterone levels of life higher than the estrogen levels. The guys that other men want to be like and women want to be with. They are the men that other men look to learn from and make themselves better and more self-sufficient.

In our first Bro-Mance post we salute the man with all of the survival skills, Bear Grylls, host of the Discovery Channel show 'Man vs. Wild'. The man is a former British Special Forces soldier and the youngest Englishman to ever summit Everest and return safely.

While reports have surfaced that sometimes Bear has stayed in hotels overnight instead of in the terrain he's suppose to be surviving the guy is still a grade A bad ass. He's a encyclopedia of knowledge in all types of outdoors settings and isn't afraid to try anything to survive the elements. Hell I've watched an episode where the guy grabbed a water snake out of the swamp, bit it's head off ala Ozzy Osbourne and ate it. If the man keeps doing stuff like that I don't care if they give him nightly pedicures in the Hilton. Just keep showing me the craziness he tries.

I don't know if you knew this but turtle's blood is a fantastic drink. Your urine is awesome when you're out of water. Oh and there are plants that are just as deadly as some snakes. He's just an adventurous soul with a camera crew to capture it all.

Worst Pittsburgh Bars

When you drink as much as I have you get the opportunity to visit a lot of drinking establishments. Sometime later, I will detail my favorite ones. But I'm in more of a mood today to slam the ones I don't like.

1. Jimmy D’s – Southside

The bar is always crowded, usually has a line on weekends, is one of the few Southside Bars to charge cover and it feels like the dance floor is going to fall through at any moment. I mean did they pay off the Pittsburgh Fire Marshall? Where do they get off having a bar fuller than Pamela Anderson's bra? This bar attracts all the losers who want to grind on some chick but won't pay 8 bucks or wear get dressed up to get into Matrix to do so. They usually just stand around looking at girls dance and generally don't do anything except get in everyone's way.

2. Saddleridge – Station Square

Saddleridge used to be a good country bar (for those who liked country) that rolled with plenty of hot women and Coyote Ugly-esque Bartenders (everybody loves those). Now the only dancing they have is line dancing, plus the number of scantily clad bartenders is reduced, hot girls go somewhere else to dance and the drinks (except Miller or Coors Light) remain overpriced. And instead of hot girls in jean skirts riding the bull, its usually fat chicks who deserved to be ridden like a bull themselves.

Oh yeah, and the new Bar Room Pittsburgh, which took most of Saddleridge's space isn't much better. Station Square is well on its way to sucking when you couple these developments with the loss of Hooters.

3. Sunny Jim’s – Kilbuck Township

It is really nothing more than a restaurant posing as a bar. Last time I was there, kids were sitting at tables after 10 o’clock. Plus the bartenders are quick to cut you off and the Kilbuck Township police used to always wait for patrons to leave and subsequently pull them over for possible DUI’s. Two recent developments – there are no more Kilbuck police as they got disbanded, and Sunny Jim’s recently had a major fire forcing renovations. Talk about Karma, but not improvement. Sunny Jim’s still sucks as much as before. Do yourself a favor and skip this sequel.

4. Most any quaint local Irish Pub

Now let me explain before you flame me for this. When picturing a real Irish Pub I imagine a poorly lit, slightly unkempt bar with several beers on tap and a bunch of blue collar guys drinking beer by the pint and bitching about their wives while occasionally getting into fistfights and breaking shit. However, usually “Irish Pubs” are nothing more than places where they sell you overpriced appetizers and beer and call it “Irish” to get you to go there. Also, it is usually decorated all fancy. You think the bars in Ireland are decorated like it was San Francisco? No! Real men could care less how a bar is decorated! A perfect example is Sieb’s Pub in Ross Township. It has overpriced beer and appetizers, plus no hot woman, only older and usually married ones.

5. Olive or Twist - Downtown

I was dragged here last month by young professionals who wanted a "good martini." The five minutes I was there told me all I needed to know. This is your classic upscale yuppy bar the populated by businessmen who are too good to drink with the rest of the peasants, the gold-diggers who chase after them or brown-nosers near the bottom of the company’s org chart and want to “network” with the elite to move up faster and don’t mind paying $8.75 for a martini to do so.

6. Mario’s - Southside

This goes to show that Mario is nothing unless you tack on Luigi or Lemieux to the end of it. Mario’s is always crowded, takes forever to get a beer, never has specials and has 4 beer queers in tight shirts who think it’s a good idea to fight. As an added bonus, the last time I was there, there was a line for the men’s bathroom and none for the women’s. So naturally I went and peed in the women’s room and left. Like I’m staying at a sausage fest. I finished my beer and left to never come back.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

NFL PICKS: Week 16

Would the real football expert please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. I broke half the crap in my house after reading Bill Simmons article this week on ESPN. He is so bitter about the Steeler's Ryan Clark demolishing Wes Welker that he is actively rooting against the Steelers (to his own admission) and refuses, and I mean absolutely refuses, to admit the Steelers are the best team in football right now. Well Mr. Simmons let me tell you this. You are a whiney little (this portion is edited for your approval) and you suck more (just use your imagination here) than a gay man in San Francisco. After 15 weeks of picks you sit behind me with your record. That's right .... you sit behind a random blogger from Pittsburgh. Now would the real football expert please stand up? (psss .... Bill ..... sit your ass down)
This week I'm a little more hung over than usual. So I've decided to bring you the picks without the usual banter. Let's hope my cocky little paragraph above doesn't bring bad karma to my picks this week. Now ... On to the Picks!
Indianapolis Colts (-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars
Colts -6
Baltimore Ravens at Dallas Cowboys (-4)
Ravens +4
Cincinnati Bengals at Cleveland Browns (-1.5)
Bengals +1.5
New Orleans Saints (-7.5) at Detroit Lions
Saints -7.5
Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) at Tennessee Titans
Steelers -3.5
Miami Dolphins (-6) at Kansas City Chiefs
Dolphins -6
San Francisco 49er's (-5.5) at St. Louis Rams
49er's -5.5
Arizona Cardinals at New England Patriots (-4.5)
Patriots -4.5
San Diego Chargers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-4.5)
Bucs -4.5
Buffalo Bills at Denver Broncos (-5)
Bills +5
Houston Texans (-3.5) at Oakland Raiders
Texans -3.5
New York Jets (-5) at Seattle Seahawks
Jets -5
Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings (even)
Vikings win
Philadelphia Eagles (-5.5) at Washington Redskins
Redskins +5.5
Carolina Panthers at New York Giants (-1)
Panthers +1
Chicago Bears (-4) at Green Bay Packers
Packers +4
Last Week: 8-7-1
Season Record: 122-99-2
Bill Simmons Record: 117-102-6

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Greatest Guy Movies of our Generation

In the world there are movies and there are guy movies. We decided we needed to narrow things down a bit and compile a list of 15 of the Greatest Guy Movies of our generation. A few of the criteria we had were:
  1. The movie had to be from the last 20 years. I know there are plenty of awesome movies that are deserving of being on a list like this but we wanted the more recent ones. Sorry Dirty Harry.
  2. No War Movies. Come on ... if we included war movies that would take up half of our list.
  3. It must be about Cars, Guns, Violence or Getting Laid.
  4. It must make you feel more macho or cooler after watching it. No sappy crap unless it's used to get a manly point across or to make fun of someone.
  5. It needs to have a strong story with good dialogue and at least one character who portrays a 'Guy's Guy' type of personality.
  6. It needs to have some great one-liners
  7. Finally it should be a flick that Guys love and most chicks hate.

While compiling this list I found that somebody had already tried to create a list of the 50 greatest guy movies. He failed miserably. Sorry pal. Who freaking rates Braveheart in the top 10 of guy movies and places movies like Kingpin and the 5th Element ahead of Tombstone and the Boondock Saints? Fail!

Anyways after seeing it I realized nobody would dare accuse me of copying that crap. So onto Irish Road's list of the Greatest Guy movies of our generation.

15. Terminator 2: Judgement Day

10 yrs after the first Terminator was sent to destroy Sarah Connor A new terminator is after her son, John Connor, the leader of the resistance. In an attempt to preserve his life humans from the future send a protector to save John. It was probably Arnold Schwarzeneggar's most famous role to date and the movie in which he delivered the extremely overused and very famous lines, "I'll be back" and "Hasta la vista, baby." The movie was ground breaking for it's action and sci-fi movie genres as well as it's use of CG technology.

14. Gone in 60 Seconds

Nicholas Cage, A smokin' hot Angelina Jolie, 50 exotic cars stolen in one night. You don't need too much in the way of a plot with those elements in the movie. After his little brother gets into trouble for botching a car boost Memphis Raines returns to his old stomping grounds to finish the job for him and save his life. The plan is to steal all 50 cars in one night. The movie culminates on the final car when Memphis faces his unicorn, the '67 Shelby Mustang. Famous line of the movie: "What's more exciting having sex or boosting cars?" "How about having sex while boosting cars?"

13. Reservoir Dogs

It's a Quentin Tarantino movie so what else are you going to expect but great dialogue, guns, and violence. Reservoir Dogs is about a jewelry heist gone wrong. After it's revealed there is a traitor in the mix the players start to turn on each other. The movie has every type of violence imaginable from a torture scene to a Mexican standoff in which the traitor is revealed and the characters kill each other off. Famous line of the movie: "I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way."

12. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

In this movie, directed and written by Guy Ritchie, four friends put their money together to play in a high stakes poker game in order to win some easy money. They get into trouble when Harry the Hatchet cheats to win their money and put them into debt another five hundred thousand pounds with only a week to pay it off. In classic Guy Ritchie fashion their are multiple story lines in the movie that all tie together in the end when the friends are bailed out of trouble with remarkable luck and find themselves close to another fortune. Famous line from the movie: "If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya."

11. The Way of the Gun

This movie is a personal favorite of mine. Guns, violence and some of the best one-liners that any macho movie could have to offer. The opening scene sets the movie high above many. It's only purpose is to introduce the characters and Sarah Silverman get's punched. What more could you ask for?!? I mean it already drops an amazing quote. "Shut that cunt's mouth Or I'll come over there and fuck-start her head!" We find out that our two stars are trouble makers looking for a way to make the big bucks. "A pint of blood will fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum? Three grand." They discover that a wealthy couple are paying top dollar for a woman to be a surrogate mother for them and decide to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. I've got to tell you the tactical movement in this film for the gun fighters is spectacular and the battle sequences were all choreographed by a Navy SEAL. This film is macho on a level many others. Best one liner in the movie? "Don't you think it's funny that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches me, she's fighting for her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, I'm a homophobe?"

10. Goldeneye

It's Bond, James Bond in probably one of the greatest action roles the character has ever had. Bond is trying to stop a Soviet General and his old friend stealing a deadly satellite weapon that's constructed to wipe out electronic systems. Along the way Bond destroys a city with a tank, takes out a train, and escapes trap after trap like only a badass spy can. No Bond movie would be complete without some kick ass cars and guns. Add in the gorgeous women like previously written about on our 'Hottest Female Villains' post and we have number 10 on our list. Aside from the usual "Vodka Martini, Shaken not stirred" and "Bond, James Bond" our favorite quote from this flick? Xenia Onatopp: "You don't need the gun." James Bond: "Well, that depends on your definition of safe sex."

9. Tombstone

It's the Wild West. It's manly men doing manly things. It's Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday. It's the Cowboys vs. the Law. There's no shortage of action in this flick. It doesn't lack macho characters and has a great story. Wyatt Earp and his brothers move to Arizona in hopes to live a peaceful and profitable life but they find out there's trouble following them and take up Law enforcement positions to establish the peace. The gun scenes are top notch as well as the dialogue between the characters. Famous line of the movie: "I'm your Huckleberry."

8. Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction has Samuel L. freakin Jackson. How much more manly do you need? It has Bruce Willis. Manlier still! It has brutal gun violence. There's a torture scene. Money and drugs are involved. Oh yeah and the story it pretty hardcore too. Quentin Tarantino out does himself with this film. With multiple story lines all tying into one at the end. There's no great way to explain this movie other than man-tastic! It can make a pre-pubescent boys balls drop faster that a nudie magazine. Quote of the movie: "That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth five dollars but it's pretty fucking good."

7. Fight Club

Not many lists would have Fight Club down so low but for what it's worth the movies ahead of this are pretty damn good. The narrator in this flick has insomnia. He tries to find comfort in going to support groups for people are really messed up or dying. Then Marla Singer shows up. The insomnia returns. The narrator needs comfort. He needs to find something else. And then Tyler Durden shows up. "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." Fight Club is formed. It's not about money. It's not about power. It's not about fame. It's about guys finding out about what they are made of. It's bloody and anarchy and has a great storyline with awesome guy character developement. Famous line of the movie: " My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

6. 300

The quest is manly. The bravery is manly. The fact that they believed in themselves was manly. The fact that they accomplished their task was unbelievably manly. Basically if you don't come out of this movie thinking that you're a badass just for witnessing it you might as well go buy some tampons. 300 men facing over 100,000 of Xerxes Persian Army. If nothing else you should watch the making of video and watch the training that the actors went through. Afterwards you'll have chest hair growing as thick as a rug. Famous line from the movie: "Spartans! Prepare for glory!"

5. The Boondock Saints

Who do you send to destroy a Russian mafia? The Irish. Who do you send to destroy the Italian mafia? The Irish. Who do you send to destroy the Irish? Charlie Weiss. Just kidding (sort of). Two Irish badasses take out the wicked in on unbelievably cool film. The gun factor is high. The death toll is catastrophic. And the story is unlike any other. The characters are cool and they let you know it with their actions. Oh ... and there's suppose to be a kick ass sequel coming out soon. Famous line from the movie: "Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you fucked!"

4. Diehard

This was an easy choice. It was the original and Detective John McLaine is one of the most macho guys in any movie. He's ruff around the edges. He tells people exactly what he thinks of them. He's no superman and he knows it but still will charge into trouble headfirst without a second thought of life or limb. No matter who the bad guy he'll find a way to kick their ass and piss them off while doing it. Because of him Diehard falls into number four on our list. Our favorite line of the movie: "Yipee Kiyay mother fucker!"

3. Heat

This is possibly the greatest bank robbery movie ever. EVER. The plan is well thought out and executed even better. Unfortunately the police aren't too shabby themselves. It's like watching a high-octane offense take on a top-notch defense. Who's gonna give first? To top it off it includes actors like Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Tom Sizemore, Ashley Judd, and Natalie Portman. There may not be a better cast in any other movie. Defining line of the movie: "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

2. Swingers

How do you turn a boy into one of the guys? You make him watch Swingers. It's about a transplanted New Yorker named Mikey living in L.A. trying to get over his past relationship. That's where Trent and Sue come in. They take him through the steps of picking up a woman and along the way help Mikey get over his past relationship and get on with life. Doesn't sound manly enough? You've got guys sitting around playing NHL 94. Guys trying to get laid. Guys going to "Vegas, baby, Vegas." The film was honored with the first ever Guy's choice Award on Spike TV in 2007. Famous line of the movie: "You're so money and you don't even know it!"

1. Snatch

If you haven't seen this movie yet you should just go get your balls removed. It's that simple. For god's sake the movie title is a sexual innuendo. You've got a guy named Bullet tooth Tony, another named Boris the Bullet Dodger, Frankie Four Fingers, Brick Top. There's some badass scenes where people are killed. There's Jewelry theft, Bare knuckle boxing, unlicensed boxing and Irishmen. What else do you need? Once again, in this Guy Ritchie flick, it's multiple stories tying together to make one kick ass film and our top choice for Greatest Guy Movies of our generation. Famous line in the movie: "Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your gun... And the fact that I've got 'Desert Eagle point five O'... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!"

Honorable Mentions: The Usual Suspects, The Departed, The Quick and the Dead, Smokin' Aces, Point Break, Major League