Saturday, December 27, 2008

NFL PICKS: Week 17

Last week I went a lousy 9-7. But that just means as long as I don't completely screw up this week the 'Sports Guy', Billy Simmons, can kiss my ass until we pick next year's games. Do you like that you Boston schmuck? Do ya'?

The last two years the guy got beat by his wife. His wife for cryin' out loud! How does that happen? Maybe he needs to be the one wearing the apron and spending all day in the kitchen .... pussy!

Anyways ... there still is one more week left so I'm going to get down to business and pick Week 17. Ooooh yeah .... that's right .... It's business time!


St. Louis Rams at Atlanta Falcons (-11)

Can anyone believe that Magic Matt Ryan has a chance to put the Falcons into the number 2 seed in the NFC? I'm starting to doubt my previous thoughts that Joe Flacco is a better QB. Matt Ryan has done nothing short of a miracle in Atlanta. How many people have even mentioned Michael Vick this year without it being accompanied with 'people are forgetting him because of Ryan'. This game won't even be close.
Falcons -11

New England Patriots (-6) at Buffalo Bills
I know I shouldn't be but I am really rooting against the Patriots in this game. Has any team not named the Lions had a rougher year? I'm dating this back to the Super Bowl last year when their perfect season was shot down and NFL fans outside of New England rejoiced. Then Brady goes down in the first game. Now they're in a three-team melee to win the AFC east and may possibly be a 11-5 team without a playoff spot. This is too freakin' sweet! I still want no shot at them winning. Take care of business Buffalo.
Bills +6

Kansas City Chiefs at Cincinnati Bengals (even)
This is the perfect matchup for one of these teams to improve their draft pick for next season. Do you think either one of them will throw it? I don't doubt this one bit. What's impressive is that the Bungals actually have a shot of finishing the season on a three game winning streak! Momentum for next year!
Bengals win

Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers (-6.5)

Quick! Why would a 5-10 team ever be favored by a touchdown? Because they're playing the Lions! That was too easy ... next time we'll have a harder one (This is also what the Lions opponents have heard in their post game locker room speech).

Packers -6.5

Tennessee Titans at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5)
I've got to take the favorite here. The Titans are just going to be resting starters. After last week's demolition of Ben Roethlisberger they are assured of the top seed in the AFC. The Colts on the other hand are just trying to lock up the 3rd seed and maybe a second home playoff game later on down the road. Smooth sailin'.
Colts -1.5

New York Giants (-1) at Minnesota Vikings
The G-Men are in the same boat as the Titans. Nothing to play for in this game. They can rest some players. I think they'll come out with all of their starters and then sit them for the second half. The Vikings need this victory to assure themselves a playoff spot. Nothing is certain. Even if the Giants come out and play the Vikings have the ability to stop the run and Adrian Peterson (if he holds the ball this week) can make some big plays. Look for the Vikings to win.
Vikings +1

Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (even)
The only one with anything to play for here is Carolina. Win and the two seed is yours. Lose and the Falcons might take it with a win of their own. The Saints could play spoiler in their attempt to help Drew Brees break Dan Marino's mark for single season passing yards. I myself am pulling for Marino and the Panthers.
Panthers win

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (-8)
The only way the Browns win this is if the Steelers don't try. This team in a normal matchup is virtually incapable of beating Pittsburgh at Heinz Field. That being said, I don't see the Steeler starters out there in the second half. But Byron Leftwich and Co. should seal the deal.
Steelers -8

Oakland Raiders at Tampa Bay Bucanneers (-5)
The Raida's suck. If the Bucs win they're in. In the rematch of Superbowl XXXVII .... whatever .... it was boring anyways. The Bucs win.
Bucs -5

Chicago Bears (-3.5) at Houston Texans
Dallas may be America's Team (as only they like to call themselves) but the Texans are Texas' Team. I like them to upset today.
Texans +3.5

Washington Redskins at San Francisco 49er's (-1)
Who freakin favored the Niners today? I like Frank Gore but he's banged up. He needs 22 yards to be the first 49er running back to rush for 1000 yards in 3 consecutive seasons. I think they'll be more concerned with the record today than the win.
Redskins +1

Jacksonville Jaguars at Baltimore Ravens (-7)
I'm going out on a limb here. I know Baltimore is a tough place to play and I know the Jags haven't exaclty lived up to expectations this year but the weather is going to be extremely nice on the East Coast this weekend and the Jags have been playing better as of lately. They may not win but I'll take them to cover.
Jaguars +7

Miami Dolphins (-1) at New York Jets
One thing is certain in this game. Brett Favre will throw 4 TD passes. The big question is, How many of them will be to the Dolphin defenders? God I hope it's 4. And I hope Chad Pennington puts a big Fuck You stamp on New York's field. That would be sweet!
Dolphins -1

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles (-2)
All I'm saying is if Jessica Simpson is within 1000 miles of this game today the Cowgirls will not win.
Cowboys +2

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals (-5)
I'm going out on a limb here and saying the Seahawks cover the spread and maybe even pull the upset for Mike "Pringles Can Man" Holmgren. While the Cards have been my sleeper pick all season they have absolutely sucked heading into the post-season. Let's hope they get some sort of momentum here.
Seahawks +5

Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers (-6)
I don't know about you but if I was a Charger I'd be pissed that I had to beat the Broncos twice to make the playoffs. How huge was that two point conversion at the end of their first meeting now? I like the Chargers to come out pissed. I like them to win. But the Broncos beat the spread.
Broncos +6

Last week: 9-7
Season Record: 131-106-2
Sports Queer's Record: 125-109-6

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