Friday, July 31, 2009

Beer Pong

Some lovin today for the greatest college drinking game of all. If you don't agree with me it's because you have a fucking vagina and you think flip cup is the shit. It isn't ... and you're retarded. But today I wanted to spell out the better rules of Beer Pong that I've heard and wanted to see if I could get other rules to post. What are your favorite random rules?

1. The End Game

My buddy Chad once ruined his table and decided to take off his basement door and use that. Genius! Keep the game alive! One problem though. It was a sort of fucked up basement door and the door knob was more towards the center of it than on the side where it normally is. So in light of his recent spontanaity Chad made up a rule that if you hit the ping pong ball off of the door knob and landed it into your opponents cup it would end the game! It usually wastes a shot but if you're down 5 cups to 2 it may be worth it.

Runhigh and myself have incorporated Chad's awesomeness into normal games by placing a shot glass upside down in the middle of some of our games. Same rule. Instant End game.

2. Return Defense.

Sometimes it just isn't your night and you need to bounce the ball and get an instant two cups to get back in the game. Sometimes it just isn't your night when your opponent keeps getting bounces in on your side. Well we made it so that bounces are dangerous for the whole table. If a ball bounces on the table and goes into any cup then it's two cups away from that side. So if I bounced a ball and it missed my opponents cups and bounced back to my side and in one of my cups then I have to remove two. This ensures that I play defense on my side after a risky throw.

3. Killer Cup

I use to have a short table. We established lines that you would have to stand at to throw to compensate for the table being small. Still ... with a bunch of skilled beer pongers the games went by super fast. So my buddy Wes came up with the idea that we would replace the back middle cup with a tall, smaller glass cup to make it very difficult to get in. So difficult that you would have to make an almost perfect toss to land it. Thus the games were harder. Thus the killer cup.

4. The Gentleman's Rule

This may by far be my favorite rule. Do you ever have those people play that will pull away a beer cup and set it on the side of the table. Then they end up beating you because you're fucked up a little and they are still perfectly sober? Or worse! They don't even drink it at all and it sits there after the game. Or you have to wait for them to finish the beer at the end before you can start the next game ... Arrgghhh!!! I hate those guys (or girls). So to fix that I created the Gentleman's Rule. If an opponent lands a ball in your cup then you HAVE TO drink that cup before you make your next throw. If you throw before drinking that cup then your throw does not count. And none of your future throws will count until that cup is drank. Respect the game. Follow the Gentleman's Rule.

This is not a Side Cup but a C-Cup ... we thought you'd get the idea

5. Side Cup

An official Irish Road-Runhigh household Beer Pong rule is the Side Cup Rule. Before the start of the game every player must have a side cup. It may not be a bottle or a can ... it has to be a glass or cup. If a player from the other team so chooses he may shoot for your cup. If he makes it in you must drink the entire contents of your cup and return the ball to him (or her ... but really ... what girl would waste a shot for that?). What we've noticed is that it kind of keeps both teams drinking a little even if there cups aren't getting knocked out. That way if someone would shoot for their cup and make it they don't have a full one to drink. BUT the person is allowed to defend their cup. Even in the air. So it's a risky shot and you usually have to make sure that your opponent isn't paying attention before you shoot it. And if you miss you wasted your turn.

6. Boobs

I once played against a girl who was chesty ... for those of you who don't understand that it means she had exceptionally large and very nice tits. She, like most girls, tried to use that to her advantage and distract me. I told her that if I made the shot in her cleavage she had to show them to me later. She said yeah right she would block it before that happened. I made it twice that night. My buddies loved me for it. Boobs rule rules!

7. Shutout

This one depends on the House Rules. But everyone needs a shutout rule. If you shutout your opponent how do they humiliate themselves? Pink tiny shirt? Pink tutu? Run around the house naked? Make out with their partner (please ... girl partners only)? Whatever you decide make sure it's humiliating and for your enjoyment.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Goodbye and Good Riddance

Oh man ... It's that time of the year again. It's the Pittsburgh Pirates Fire sale: All decent players must go! Next item up for bid - A beautiful combination package of Doumit and Zack Duke! Get yours today!

Being a Pirates fan is like being the parent of a bad Little League baseball player. You know nothing is ever going to come out of it. You know you're suppose to cheer them on even though they suck so you clap wildly for routine singles and tell them "It's okay because at least you tried your hardest." When really you wish for once you had the kid who batted .667 and fielded like Ozzie Smith because at least that kid gave you excitement and hope for a championship. But not your child .... Not the Pirates. They are the bad Little League baseball player ... and we are their unfortunate parent.

Today the team got rid of the longest tenured 9 year veteran Jack Wilson. In exchange the Nuttings got rich and MLB promised not to out them for caring more about turning a small profit instead of putting together a winning franchise. All in all a win for the Pirates (ownership ... who gives a shit about the fans?). Actually I do find this a decent trade. We got rid of Ian Snell who was never motivated to play for this team (I can't say I blame him) got a comparable shortstop (not defensively) a potential power hitting first baseman (who needs much work) and three decent young pitching prospects. Let's face it we were never going to pay Wilson and Snell was just going to act like a little bitch every time he pitched here. As in earlier posts I say good riddance.

The other trade of the day saw a player we should have paid to keep, Freddy Sanchez, go to the San Francisco Giants for pitching prospect Tim Alderson. Freddy won the 2006 batting title and was coming into his own defensively at 2nd base. I was hoping the Bucs would drop a little dough and keep him but apparently the Nuttings put on their GM hat and told Huntington to get rid of him. Huntington did well to at least aquire the number 4 prospect in the Giants farm system but it feels empty to acquire a single prospect for a proven player.
Besides ... with the loss we'll be hard pressed to find new and exciting ways to mock our middle infielders. Mr. Cindy Crawford and Steve-O's twin just made things too easy. Good luck to both but I can't say I'm too disappointed.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

WTF Pirates?

With every loss the Pirates find a new and exciting way to reinvent the word 'Suck'. This latest was no exception. With a decent outing from Paul Maholm they ruined it with unbelievably bad defense in the third inning. It started off in the third when with a runner on first base Jack Wilson (who did have a spectacular play the inning prior) muffed a double play ball. The next batter with runners on first and third hit one sharply down the line to Andy LaRoche. Andy, seeing the runner on third break for home threw the ball to the catcher, instead of the smart play (the double play) or chasing down the base runner and catching him in a rundown. Everyone was safe ... bases loaded. It was then redemption time as LaRoche got a double play giving us fans more false hope that we may make it through a mess without any damage. Wrong! Pirate Baseball is imminent at that point! Paul Maholm throws a wild pitch to allow the runners to advance to second and third. Then a ball hit sharply into right field had Garret Jones pull up last second, letting the ball fall safely in, on a ball he just had to stick his glove out on to catch. Two score and McCutchen is unable to throw out the batter at third. Then one of the most amazing plays I've seen happened (it was number one on Sports Center top plays). The next batter lined a pitch into right field. Jones made a running attempt, missed, the ball went off his glove, off his leg and kicked back towards second base in the air where a diving Delwyn Young dove and caught the ball barehanded. Unbelievable! So unbelievable that the second base umpire ruled it hit the ground. Thus the runner on third scores. Luckily for the Buccos Young was paying attention and still managed to catch the batter off base for the third out. So all in all there were 5 Pirate miscues by 4 players leading to 3 runs. Somehow they were only charged with one error. WTF? Do they just feel bad for us now? Lets play scorekeeper. The Wilson flub. Error number 1. The LaRoche miscue. He didn't misplay the ball he just made a stupid and piss poor decision failing to get a guaranteed out and a possible double play. All runners were safe. We'll call that error number 2. The Maholm wild pitch. He got charged with that but for the sake of this argument we'll call it error number 3. The Garrett Jones spectator play (where he watches the ball drop in front of him). Two Runs Score ... Error number 4. The Garret Jones kick to Delwyn Young where the third runner scores ... this is a debate. If this IS NOT an out as according to the umpire then YOU HAVE TO give Jones an error for dropping a ball that basically hit him in the chest. It was an out that was screwed up by the umpire so I guess we (like the scorekeeper) can give Jones a pass. But the bottom line is if he catches it there is no run scored and there is nothing to debate. He messed up. He dropped it. He deserves an error for that one too. Error number 5. Five Errors (okay 4 and one wild pitch) in one inning. Yep ... that's Bucco baseball.

One last thought: Steve Pierce starting at first? Brandon Moss starting in the outfield? Seriously? Does anybody still think John Russell makes up his own starting lineup or have you figured it out that the front office is telling him who to play and where each game? What manager would actually put those guys in the same starting lineup consistently? Certainly not one who wanted to win so he could keep his job which is the position every Pirate manager is in.

Oh .... yeah .... Hey Pirates! .... WTF?!?!?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Intriguing Storylines of Baseball's 2nd Half

First I’d like to apologize to all of you for such a long hiatus. But as you know life for a non-paid writer sometimes gets hectic in a declining economy. But hopefully I can get back on the writing track and bring you more enjoyable posts to read starting with baseball. After starting off the season towards their 17th and record breaking losing season I couldn’t imagine myself finding much interest in the Pirates this year. Some questionable moves by the management have actually brought more intrigue to me and have got me watching consistently again.

Garret Jones

To start there is a single question about this guy that I have heard everyone not related to him ask: “WHO THE HELL IS GARRET JONES?”
The second question being “Where the hell did he come from?”
Garret Jones is quietly on a tear batting .345 with 10 HR, 15 RBIs, .798 SLG, and 6 2Bs in 84 at bats. That’s a Herculean effort of 1 homerun every 8.4 at bats! To think that this will continue would be crazy (although anybody who still cheers for the beloved Buccos fits that description) but it would be nice to be on the winning side of power hitter. He has the potential to be the type of player that a team builds around. Couple him with McCutchen, Doumit, a possibly better Andy LaRoche, Milledge, and prospects like Pedro Alvarez and we may finally have seen the other side of that 5 year plan that we were promised 16 years ago. Well … as long as the pitching comes to fruition.

Andrew McCutchen

Rookie of the Year …. I don’t care who you are. If he doesn’t win this it’s because the Pirates have fallen that far off the baseball map that Sportswriters aren’t even looking here anymore. McCutchen is batting just under .300 this year with 9 SB over 42 games. He is the prototypical leadoff hitter with speed, average, and enough power to make him dangerous. He also has the potential to win the Gold Glove every year and is the kind of centerfielder you need in PNC Park with it’s deep left center fence.

Albert Pujols

He could be the first Triple Crown winner in 40 years. You may not see it for another 40 years. Think about that. You may be witnessing the only Triple Crown in your lifetime. And if he doesn’t win it he may be the only player in your lifetime to come this close. Nobody is catching him in homeruns. Only one person has a shot to catch him in RBIs and he has a decent shot to take batting average (he currently sits second behind Hanley Ramirez of the Marlins). He is the greatest hitter in this baseball era. Period. Watching him play first base defensively is a joy too. He always seems to be in the right place at the right time. We as Pirate fans are both blessed and cursed to have him in the same division as us. Blessed being that we can watch him play in person many times over the year. Cursed being the obvious: He destroys our pitching on a regular basis.

Stephen Strasburg

What is this guy thinking. He’s probably just letting Scott Boras handle that for him actually. Boras ’ strong suit is not his thinking it’s his negotiating. But right now he’s not trying to do that. He’s trying to strong arm the Nat’s the same way he did with the Pirates last year with Pedro Alvarez. You remember how well that didn’t work. Hopefully the Nat’s follow suit and stand firm against the Super Duper agent and his idiot client. Hey Strasburg …. Little advice for you. If the Nats don’t sign you because of your agent and your refusal, what happens? That’s right. You go back into the draft next year. And then guess what? The Washington Nationals are so awful this year that it is damn near impossible for any team to do worse than them unless they intentionally lose. So if the Nats end up with the worst record they also get the first pick in the draft next year. Who do you think they’ll pick number one? My guess is the pitcher everyone called a ‘Can’t Miss Prospect’ named …. That’s right ... the one named Stephen Strasburg.

Red Sox – Yankees

Both of these teams are playing well enough to where they should both get into the playoffs and I love watching them square off on primetime TV. Not because I’m a fan of either one of them but for a few other reasons. One it’s good baseball. Strip away the names on the front of the uniforms and you have a bunch of future hall of famers battling it out against each other. Two there are former Buccos on each side. It’s nice to see what your boys do when they grow up and play in the Major League. Three they’ll battle it out so furiously that it will give the Rangers or the Rays a chance to sneak up and snatch a Wild Card spot from one of them thus giving me one of those little pleasures in life knowing that an American League Baseball team from New York or Boston is sitting at home, drinking a beer, and watching playoff baseball just like me!

Saying Goodbye

After Nine years we will finally be saying goodbye to the beloved Jack Wilson. #2 was Number one in many Pirate fans hearts with his constant effort and spectacular highlight reel defensive play. Many people will be sad to see Jack Wilson, the staple of the Pittsburgh Pirates, leave. He was the one thing you could count on every season for the last decade. His Accomplishments include: 9 Losing Seasons, 0 Gold Gloves, 0 titles in any batting category. He won the Silver Slugger in 2004 and was the Pirates All-Star representative … but he only batted .308 (his only season over .300 batting average). His career BA is .269. So basically we have been so awful that we are finding it hard to say goodbye to a below average, mediocre shortstop whose only real value was his defense? I’d rather say ‘Love you Jack but Good Riddance!’

Starting the New

Enjoy it! We now start a new Century of Title-less Cubs! This makes 101! (I hope I didn’t just jinx it).

Admitting We Might Be Wrong

For the first time in 17 seasons we may have to say we’re wrong for questioning the front office. All the recent trades and signings and we actually do have a bright future with current players like McCutchen, Jones, Doumit, (the younger) LaRoche, Duke, Maholm, and players in the waiting like Milledge and Alvarez. However small there is a ray of light. Let’s just hope it’s the end of the tunnel and not an on coming train.

Who the hell are these guys?

Record Breaking season

The Pirates are on their way to breaking the professional sports record for most consecutive losing seasons by a franchise. If they continue they will achieve the 17th straight loser and go down in Sports infamy. But they can avoid that. At this point if they win one more game than they lose every week for the rest of the season they will end up a winner. They have 68 games left and they need to finish 38-26 to break even. The likelihood of that happening is slim but you never know. This could be the year .... of course it's probably more likely that Marian Hossa will win a cup.