Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Christmas and New Years Parties are coming up and people will be drinking more. So I thought it was a good time to provide a refresher course on drinking rules.

Warm beer tastes like piss ... if you aren't going to finish a beer before it gets warm you may as well not open it. Also ... don't bring warm beer to the party. That is like eating 3 minutes before you hop in the pool.

Guys - do not buy or drink any girly drinks, examples include Cosmopolitans, Smirnoffs, Daquiris and basically anything fruity. Stick to beer (non-light), shots, and mixed drinks involving vodka, whiskey, rum and tequila with one mixer.

However - ALL guys should be well versed in the preparation of such drinks to aid in the courting process. Hint: Girls can not taste the alcohol in fruity drinks, which will aid the courting process.

At house parties, occasionally look around and find someone drunker than you. If you can't find someone drunker than you, STOP DRINKING. You are the drunk person and will be the one everyone is drawing and taking pictures of. While we here at Irish Road fully support getting drunk, it defeats the purpose if you are the one getting shamed.

Which brings me to our next rule - if you pass out with your shoes on - expect to wake up with enough graffiti on your face/body to make a LA gangbanger blush.

You picked Natty Light ... stick with it. Those who bring shitty beer or well liquor to a party will be expected to finish it before indulging in the beverages brought by people with less constraints on their pocketbook than Scrooge.

Learn how to properly pour beer from a keg ... head is a 2 a.m. activity in the bathroom. This also means no over pumping of the keg. Doing so is grounds for explusion.

Clean up your mess - Everyone occasionally has a bad night drinking and causes a mess. Either clean up your mess or make it up to your friend the next day. Making up means apologizing and buying a GOOD case or beer or bottle of liquor. Busch Light or Wild Turkey will not suffice. If it happens at the bar, blame someone else and move on.

Guys - NEVER let a girl outchug you or beat you in any volume consumption drinking game ... doing so will reduce your status to man-bitch and cause others to question your sexuality.

Bitch beer - Girls love Miller Lite. It is like nectar to a hummingbird, if you expect to have a party that isn't a sausage fest be sure to have Miller Lite as one of the beers. Also, be sure to make fun of any guys who partake in drinking Miller Lite when better beer is available.

When in Rome - follow house rules for Beer Pong and other drinking games. I'm sure you're rules work just fine ... but my house ... my rules. If you want to have redemptions to last 20 minutes for each game ... host your own party.

An awesome hangover cure discovered by Irish Road is Gatorade AM. When planning to drink heavy, have some of this nearby for the next day. Better yet, sell some to your friends for a profit the next day.

Enjoy your holidays! Abide by the above rules and above all avoid the cops and DUI's over the holidays!

1 comment:

Irish Road said...

I suggest the Tropical Mango flavor ... mmmmmm ... Mango.