Monday, January 5, 2009

Lesbian or Dyke - There's a fine line

So me and the crew are out drinking one night and getting plastered off of Pennsylvania's Finest when these two chicks on some reality T.V. show start making out. Of course we all stop and stare because we're not gay and that sort of stuff makes us happy in a late night kind of way. My one buddy must have been retarded off his ass or maybe he was just stumbling down Irish Road a bit because he blurts out "Dude those fuckin' dykes are hot!"

Now I don't know what your opinion on the subject is but when I see two fine ass chicks kissing the word 'dyke' doesn't come to mind. So we debated it. Can a dyke be hot? Or when a hot chick is gay is she a lesbian and the ugly gay chick is a dyke? So we decided to put it to the test like all great men drinking do.

Aubrey O'Day
While there is no real truth to any rumor that Aubrey O'Day is gay she is a hot mess of action waiting to stick her drunken tongue down another woman's throat. When I look at her though I don't think 'Man that girl is a dyke!' It's more like .... 'mmm .... what a slut! ... I'd love to see her in some dirty lesbian action!' True .... True. Chalk one up for Hot Girls being lesbians.

Lindsay (B)Lohan

What can you say about this chick that hasn't been printed in the media or to some degree doesn't hold some truth to it? Not much. As much as I loathe this girl and her freakin' coked out ways she still holds this crazy power of hotness. I'm not saying I'd touch her with my manhood but I am saying she does still maintain a certain level of sexiness that makes her all lesbian. Because we all know that kissing this girl would coke us up a little too so it's definitely a look (and fantasize) but don't touch thing. Hot girl = Lesbian. Now her butch girlfriend on the other hand ....

Samantha Ronson

Now I've got nothing against Sammy Ronson but when you're pumping more testosterone than some of your fellow DJ's then you're kind of a manly chick. And manly chick equals butch which equals dyke. Because what are you more likely to say 'Whoah look at that Butch Lesbian' or 'Check out the Butch Dyke over there'? Most likely it's the latter. Besides when you look more like Tommy Lee's cousin than a chick there's no way people are calling you hot ... well unless they're coked out of their mind.

Ellen Degeneres

I love Ellen Degeneres. She's a cool chick. Seriously. She's funny as hell too. But let's be honest. If you show up to a red carpet event with a woman as a date and you are wearing a suit that makes you the man in the relationship. Period. And if you are a woman who is also a man in the relationship that makes you a bit of a dyke. Sorry Ellen. You're cool but not really cute enough for lesbian status. Uncute gay chick = Dyke.

Rosie O'Donnell

Honestly I don't know how this one slipped in here. I mean this is possibly the ugliest man ever ... What do you mean this is a woman? Seriously?!?!? All I have to say about Rosie is DYKE, DYKE, DYKE!!!! Come on .... I know a few gay chicks that will call her a flaming, crazy ass, butch dyke. Enough said.

Jodie Marsh
Jodie Marsh, a British model, is hot as hell. When I think of her and another chick together I would only call it some hot lesbian action. There is nothing butch about her (except once again her insignificant other). When I think of dyke I think some flat-chested, wife beater wearin, baggy jean saggin' chick with a studded belt, a short hair cut and zero quality makeup. That is definitely not Jodie. Advantage Lesbo.

Tila Tequila

There's a few that will disagree with this one. Why is beyond me but they will. I understand that she is not full on gay but bisexual. I also factored in the skanky-ness of her. But sometimes that's kind of appealing. Sometimes. She still is hot. Formula Hot=Lesbian. There's nothing really butch about her. I don't think I'd call her a dyke at all.

K.D. Lang

When I first saw K. D. Lang I thought 'Man that guy dresses well. He must be gay.' Well .... I was right about one of those I guess. Come on ... how can you disrespect the hotness of a word like lesbian by using it on a chick who is confused about her gender? She is the man in her relationship. Man equals butch. Butch equals Dyke.

Now let's try some picture tests .... which word comes to mind first when you see these images:






Now for the sake of clarification when speaking about gay chicks let's make sure that the terms are properly applied from now on. I don't want to be misinterpreted here. I don't have any problems with chicks who are dykes. They're probably cool as hell and would be able to fit in as one of the guys. Being a lesbian may be able to get you into a porno flick but seriously if you want to make it in daytime television you'd better be a dyke.


Vicki Valentine said...

Dude I'm gay and I'll agree with you there are some not so good looking lesbians out there just as there are with straight people. To use ellen as an example, she dresses more masculine because she's comfortable like that and isn't really out there to attract men so she doesn't feel the need to be ultra femme.
And the butchier lesbian ain't out there to be the man of the relationship! Lesbian = no man in the relationship no harm to you male pride meant but no fake penis' are needed! :o
-K.D Lang is just ugly as fuck-
I'll be murdered by any gay girl who might see this.
You got to remember though alot of the "lesbians" you showed are staight girls looking for male attention.
But the gay scene for women is changing totally, it's more excepted to be a femme lesbian these days with not a bit of flannel in sight ;)

Sarah said...

Seriously dude, I laughed so hard at your entry. It was funny as hell! And like the girl above, I'm gay too. Actually, I'm a chick you'd call "lesbian", not "dyke". Totally agree on the difference. And yah, kd Lang is ugly as fuck. Well spoken. I guess if any dyke reads this, she'll kill me for saying that. Still, I also have to point out (again, like the girl above) that many of the "lesbians" you've shown are just straight girls acting it out for guys. But there are some mega-fine real life gay women too, like Portia de Rossi (now that you mentioned Ellen DeGeneres I mean)....

Kari said...

Hmm. I always thought k.d. lang was unequivocally hot, that all women queer and even straight salivate over her. I guess there are at least two exceptions.

To me, k.d. is is the hottest of hot dykes. Being an average straight dude you might not find dykes sexy, but I want to let you know some of us sexy femme lesbians love 'em. And I don't exactly know why, but you, being a dude, can never be as immensely sexy as one hot delicious specimen of female masculinity.

Don't ask for it to make sense, nor waste your precious energy on jealousy. We like what we like and we all like different things. That's the beauty of the world: we're all different. And it's cool.

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Anonymous said...

You're a stupid fuck. A dyke is a girl who fucks another girl and you don't get to call her a dyke since you're not a fellow dyke fucker.

All those other "lesbians" you mentioned? They're straight. Kissing another girl for a guys attention doesn't make you a lesbian. More like a boner dyke but that's a whole other conversation.

Anonymous said...

Obviously the chick above me is an angry dyke :)

Anonymous said...

Okay, I consider myself a dyke and I honestly don't appreciate what you said. There's ugly dukes just like there is ugly anyone. All those so called lesbians are just fake ass straight girls vying for some guys boner attention. If im a lesbian I want a lesbian. All the dykes you showed are ugly, trust me there are hot dykes. ( like syd blakovich) but my point is this is the typical syeriotypical conversation about lesbians

Anonymous said...

Wow, even when it comes to lesbians, some dude thinks it's HIS opinion that matters. As in: "Besides when you look more like Tommy Lee's cousin than a chick there's no way people are calling you hot ... well unless they're coked out of their mind." What you meant is: "...there is no way straight guys are calling you hot". Which I'm actually sure is just fine with Samantha Ronson, because she hardly gives a flying fuck about whether some douchbag dudes find her attractive, and plenty of women find her insanely hot, I'm sure. But in the world of a straight guy (even a mildly benevolent one, as you claim to be), they don't count as "people", I guess. Brilliant (that's sarcasm, just in case you don't get it)

Anonymous said...

Dykes are very Horrible looking.