Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Jag-Off of the Day: Southerners and Snow

This post is dedicated to all the Southerners who fear snow like:

Superman fears Kryptonite
Sarah Palin fears Katie Couric
Tony Kornheiser fears Airplanes
an 8 year old fears Things That Go Bump in the Night.

Text message summary from me and a friend from Jacksonville, NC:

Displaced Northerner in the South: Snow Day!
Runhigh: How much snow did you get?
Displaced Northerner in the South: Only an inch or so.
Runhigh: lol ... I've drove drunk in more snow than that.
Displaced Northerner in the South: I don't think drunk driving is funny.
Runhigh: No, but Southerners who panic over one inch of snow are.

She then went on to defend them because they don't salt the roads. What she forgets is that most rural Pennsylvania towns don't salt the roads and we both attended school in shithole rural towns and managed to avoid crashing our cars in actual blizzards.

FYI ... I checked CNN Weather ... it says Jacksonville, NC is 20 degrees and sunny. Sounds like a great excuse to cancel school. Children in Pennsylvania wouldn't have to go from December through March.

I don't even know where to start my commentary.

First ... for a part of the country that prides itself so much on driving and racing ... your complete unwillingness to do it in what people in Pittsburgh would consider a dusting is laughable.

Second ... I've been to the South ... most of you people have 4WD Trucks ... use them. My company car is a Chevy Cavalier with over 100,000 miles on it, yet I've managed to make several trips to Buffalo this winter for work without incident.

Third ... I'm not even sure you are all that afraid of the snow. It's probably just a lame excuse to stay home and drink Busch Ice while watching the Maury Show, The Price is Right and Judge Judy.

Fourth ... the South prides itself on its strong military heritage and tradition. I find this difficult to take seriously if I know you'll go running for the hills as soon as flurries come falling from the sky.

Here's to you, oh Southern Man cowering in his shanty terrified of a few snow flurries, you have become the newest Jag-Off of the Day!

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