Monday, November 24, 2008

Alaska: Rednecks of the North

So a few days ago this Sarah Palin Turkey Pardoning clip became a little sensation. If you haven't seen it it's here for your viewing pleasure. Basically Palin goes to pardon a turkey for thanksgiving and in an interview afterwards some redneck is slaughtering turkeys behind her. It's funny.

Anyways I was talking about it with Runhigh and we decided that Alaskans are, for the most part, just northern rednecks. Let's look at the similarities.

There's nothing a redneck loves more than watching cars race for hundreds of miles. For Alaskans it's no different. Just change the long distance car race for a long distance dog race. In a few years you'll see some sponsorship stickers slapped on these malamutes.

Recreational Vehicles

Seriously. Mud or snow a Redneck is zipping through the woods on his recreational vehicle. There's few activities they love more and if they can find a way to pull something with it they will. The Redneck recreational vehicle of choice is a Quad. Meanwhile the Alaskan will take up the snowmobile. That's a little redneck in my book.


All rednecks own some form of livestock and in Alaska it's no different. Hey Alaskans, Do you know what the difference between your livestock and a rednecks livestock is? A little fur and some horns. And we all know you've given them names like they're your pet.

Hunting and Fishing

Okay so we all know what the Alaskan governor's view on hunting is. As far as rednecks go it's not far off. In fact it's one of their favorite pastimes and it's a main source of food outside of scraping roadkill off the road. And where there's hunting there's fishing. You just have to work a little harder to get to the water in Alaska. And on that note . . .

Bass vs Salmon

Well Rednecks and Alaskans differ on their fish preference here. One likes to go after a dumb fish that will eat anything and the other likes to fish for a dumb fish that . . . well I guess there's really no difference between their choice of fish. At least the Salmon tastes better.

Beverage Choice

Well I guess there's no redneck similarities here for the Alaskans. You've escaped this round but only thanks to the Polar Bear's love of Coca-Cola.

Group Commonly Associated With

Now unfortunately the KKK is commonly associated with Rednecks. Not all of them are racist dickwads. But most of these racist dickwads are Rednecks so here's your iconic group. Eskimos? Same deal. Not all Alaskans are Eskimos. But all Eskimos are Alaskan ... except for the ones that are Canadian.

Sport They Worship

If there's one thing a redneck knows well it's how to prioritize and these rednecks know that sports are more important than even their edumacation. What better sports to play than one that are guaranteed to knock loose a few teeth and brain cells. Because you can't be a redneck with a full set of teeth or brain cells.

Hick Shelter

You can't pull off Redneck without the classic rundown shack of a house. For the southern hick it's a gotta be a shanty or a trailer. For our northern rednecks it's a house made out of snow.

Of Course ...

. . . it just wouldn't be redneck without those highly intelligent sounding accents and their high level of education as Runhigh previously helped us see. But don't leave out their high class life-style!

Finally the Babes!

Without further ado I give you the iconic hotties of the Southern and Northern Redneck!

Come on! How can you argue that Alaskans aren't Rednecks now?

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