Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Worthless College Degrees

If you want to specialize in collecting welfare checks for the next 40 years, get one of these degrees in college:

1. Philosophy - What? You seriously think knowing what Plato, Socrates or Desarcrates said hundreds or even thousands of years ago are going to get you a job today? Take some advice. Save yourself tens of thousands of dollars and just go straight to working for McDonald's. At the end of four years you may actually be shift manager.

2. English Lit - There are no jobs for reading Beowulf or Shakespeare dumbass. Harper Lee thinks you should find a career that won't involve you shaking a McDonald's cup for change before Steeler games. GET TO IT!!!

3. Liberal Arts - OK, what the hell is this? You go to college and take a bunch of art and philosophy classes and they give you a degree? Seriously, art and philosophy could enhance your degree not be it. Have fun serving me my daily latte at Starbucks.

4. Music - Ok, you can do very well being a musician, but do you think Steven Tyler, Britney Spears or Tommy Lee ever actually attended any college? Ummm, no. If you have musical talent go use it and save your money for rent when you go broke like most musicians.

5. Management - Wow, I don't know how to do anything but boss people around! Management is nothing more than glorified babysitting. You set arbitrary deadlines and tell me when I came in late. Congrats!!! You rock!!!

6. Any university from the South - Ok, not everyone can attend a real school, but really, what Southern schools are famous for their academics? Besides Duke, uhh none. The Northeast alone has Harvard, Yale, Columbia, UPenn, Princeton and a ton other schools that my drunk ass doesn't feel like looking up at this point. Do yourself a favor and attend a school up North, then move South. You'll look so much smarter than the locals. You may even be named Mayor.

7. Miami (FL) - They gave Slyvester Stallone a degree. Enough said. Yo! Adrienne!! I did it!!!

4 comments:

Charlotte said...

No academically-famous universities other than Duke in the South? Ever heard of Vanderbilt? Emory? Rice? UVA? Wake Forest? UNC? William and Mary? Georgia Tech?

No? How about Washington & Lee? Rhodes? Sewanee? Davidson? Furman?

All are in the South.
All are ranked in the top 50 of in the US News National Rankings of Universities and Colleges, respectively. And that's only undergrad -- we won't even go into Masters programs, med schools, law schools, etc (programs in which a number of schools in the South often rank just as high or higher than their Ivy League counterparts).

Even schools like UF and UGA that are most famous for their athletics are still highly ranked academic institutions, too.

Of course the North has amazing schools in the Ivy League and such, but there are great universities all over the nation. Do not discount the South just because you're too ignorant to realize their is life below the Mason-Dixon Line ...which, by the way, if you use the MDL as the line drawn between the North and the South, go ahead and throw Georgetown on that list, too.

Irish Road said...

I don't know if you realize this dude ... but out of the 13 that you named maybe like 3 or 4 would be famous for their academics. All of the others people would scratch their heads and ask you where they were located. And if Stephen Currey didn't just take Davidson to the tourney last year you wouldn't have ever heard of that school anywhere else in the country!

Anonymous said...

To start, Irish Road, your comment about Southern universities is unquestionably ignorant. Just because you've never heard of any distinguished academic universities outside of the Ivy League--so named and located in the North for reasons purely historical--does not mean that said universities do not exist.

Second, most of the majors you have listed are ones that frequently require more time in school to fully take advantage of. You're going to fault people for choosing to pursue college degrees that lead them to wisely pursue graduate school or law school and high-paying/cushy jobs? Umm... okay?

Third, economic studies have shown that companies use a college degree as a signal more than anything else; what kind of degree you get frequently means nothing to corporate America. Coming out of school with any degree and any kind of head on your shoulders, however, does mean something.

Shut your mouth and quit making stupid, needlessly controversial lists identical to those that people have made countless times before.

Irish Road said...

Anonymous,
You're amusing. Not very bright but amusing. I don't know if you read the post or not but you didn't show it. The point was about there being schools who are FAMOUS for their academics. Not if there were good academic schools. Have I heard about distinguished academic schools outside of the North? Yes. Are these schools known on a wide basis for academics? Not really. So learn to read what is actually being said. When you do then maybe you'll see that I wasn't the author of this post. But I guess the 'academically famous' school that you went to doesn't bother with simple fact checking and knowing who authored what documents. Good Job, cupcake.