Thursday, August 21, 2008

Types of Bosses You May Encounter:

Suffocater: Walks into your office when bored and yaps incessantly about who knows what while you are busy thinking about the lunch special at the cafeteria or worse yet, actually trying to accomplish something besides looking busy. Best idea is to get earplugs to take the edge off his voice. Otherwise you’ll have a headache.

Time Machine: Imposes such strict deadlines on projects that it would require the use of a flux capacitor in a Delorean to meet his unrealistic goal.

Minute Counter: Checks the clock when you arrive in the morning, closely monitors lunch and breaks, as well as the time when you leave at night. A variance of two minutes from your regularly scheduled time is considered a hell-worthy offense. The kicker is that your boss comes and goes as he or she pleases. Best idea is to just be sure to show up on time everyday regardless of traffic, accidents, construction, emergencies, snow, car trouble or any other excuse a reasonable person would accept.

Credit Taker: Steals your ideas (that is when he is actually listening to you) and takes credit for him to people up the chain of command to make him look better. Make it a habit to put your ideas in an email to him so you have proof of his larceny.

90/10: Talks for 90% of the time while only letting you talk for 10%. Even if he is the one asking questions. Usually will only stop talking when he needs to catch his breath because he is overweight and out of shape. Buy him food and let him park closer to the building so he gets out of shape faster allowing you more time to talk.

Delegator: Plays games or shops on the computer, or talks on the phone with friends while giving you all the work to do. If the work makes you stay late, unplug his keyboard at night from the back of the computer and watch him on the phone with tech support the next day for 45 minutes trying to fix the problem. Enjoy!

Blocker: Impedes you from getting the necessary skills for advancement to get promoted while claiming he wants you to get there. The only escape is to find another job.

Office General: Has a rift with an employee in another section and attempts to manipulate his employees to be an ally and foot soldier is his battle.

My last boss: All of the above.

On The Way Out: Only has a short time left before retirement and really could care less what he or his employees do.

Perfect Boss: Dies on a Thursday afternoon, automatically giving you a three day weekend.

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