Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Is Billy Penn working his Curse?

In what might possibly be the final World Series game we decided to bring you a diary of the game's events. With Joe Buck and Tim McCarver announcing there's sure to be no shortage of moronic statements made in the telecast.I’ve got my beer. I’ve already sat through a half hour of Fox Promos for their crappy tv shows.

830: The Bud Light word of the night is Drinkability. How many times will you hear that one tonight?

831: Cole Hamels gets Iwamura to fly out to left to start the game. Earlier at 6 FX played Invincible. Somebody was trying to prep America for the possibility that Philly may be a winning city again. Billy Penn we need you!

833: Three minutes into the game and Hamels has the Rays down in order. Is Don Larsen in jeopardy of getting company in the World Series Perfect Game club? I’m trying to jinx it if you couldn’t tell. I’ll bet you now that if it lasts into the 5th or 6th that jackass Tim McCarver reminds us about it every 2 minutes.

838: Fox gives us the Umpire lineup while Navarro gets a new mask. That moron Welke is now at second. How does somebody 2 feet away from a play miss an applied tag on Jimmy Rollins? Speaking of Rollins he flies out to left to start off Philadelphia.
841: Kazmir walks Werth. He’s already thrown more pitches than Cole Hamels did to get out of the first. Is it me or does Werth look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo?

842: Kazmir hits Utley with a pitch. I hate Utley …. Only cause I with the Pirates had a player like that.

843: Howard steps to the plate and again reminds me of Pirate futility. To think that we passed on a straight up trade Brad Eldred for Ryan Howard. Howard helps me out by wiffing on the third strike.

846: Kazmir walks Burrell and loads the bases. This doesn’t look good for the Rays. McCarver calls Pena the Rays spiritual leader. This makes him the Cerrano of Tampa Bay.

849: Victorino lines one to left. Two runs cross. With Hamels throwing a perfect game it’s all that he’ll need.

851: Feliz Hits a single to left. Bases loaded again.

852: Ruiz flies out to left. Fox plays the Rocky theme into commercial. This may be the single cheesiest baseball telecast ever.

855: Pena the cleanup hitter tries to bunt on for Tampa. This is going to be a long game for those of us cheering on the Rays.

858: Hamels gives up a walk to Navarro ending the perfect game. Don Larsen just popped some champagne.

859: Baldelli flies out to Utley. At least Cole Hamels still has the No-Hitter going!

904: We’re not even out of the second inning and we’re reminded for the 3rd time to go get a free taco at Taco Bell.

907: Shaggy singles to left. Kazmir and the Rays are still looking for their first 123 inning tonight.

908: Utley pops up to Longoria to end the 2nd and Kazmir gets out without any damage.

909: I think I’ve seen the National Lampoon Direct TV commercial where that chick tempts Clark Griswald into the pool at least 73 times now since I started watching college football on Saturday.

915: Iwamura breaks up the No-Hitter, hitting a single past the glove of Hamels.

916: Crawford grounds out to Utley. Inning over. Joe Buck says something about the Rays finally having their first hit. Irish Roadette (the girlfriend) screams something about him being retarded because the hit was meaningless. I’ve trained her well.

920: Howard strikes out again and makes me feel a little better about not having him on the Bucs.

921: Buck and McCarver do a little Cole Hamels love fest while Fox shows video of Hamels during his off games. I just threw up a little.

922: Kazmir strikes out Victorino for his first 123 inning.

924: Clark Griswald commercial number 3 of the night. If I was playing a drinking game this commercial would be a rule.

926: The rain has started in Philly. I’m hoping this will assist Tampa and throw off Hamels.

928: Pena hits one over Shaggy’s glove in right. McCarver claims it went to the right of it even after three slow-mo replays.
929: Longoria singles to left-center to drive in Pena. 2-1 Phillies. The rain is helping.

930: Joe Buck calls it “the category of a nasty night in Philadelphia”. Thanks genius.

931: Navarro’s double-play ball ends the inning. At least the gap was closed a little.

935: Ruiz singles to left.

936: During a bunt attempt Hamels takes a pitch off of his left hand. He pitches lefty. Yes!

937: Ruiz is thrown out at second on Hamels’ bunt. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want my pitcher standing out in the rain any longer than needed.

941: Rollins walks. Kazmir doesn’t look happy with the Home plate umpire. The only benefit is Hamels standing on second in the rain.

947: Shaggy walks to get on base for the third time in the first four innings. Utley comes to the plate with two outs. This is not looking good for the Rays.
949: I’m shuddering at the thought of happy Philly fans after a shot of white towels or socks (whatever) waving in the stands as the count goes full.

950: Utley grounds out to Iwamura. Me and the Roadette let out a sigh of relief.

953: Baldelli hits a routine pop fly to short ….. buuuut the wind kicks in and blows the ball away! Baldelli gets on!

956: Utley makes a pretty good play at second to get two. Hamels finishes off the inning with a strike out. The breaks are going Philly’s way.
1006: This inning is taking forever. There’s no outs and now Kazmir walks Burrell to put runners on first and second. Madden immediately heads to the mound to replace his pitcher. We go to a break.

1007: Of Course! The first damn commercial is the Direct TV Clark Griswald commercial. That’s like number 5. We’d be wasted off of this one.

1010: The groundskeepers have been working on the mound for awhile now as Balfour comes into pitch. Everytime he has pitched Fox has reminded us that he’s from Australia. Let’s see if it happens again.

1017: Joe Buck says it can’t get much worse than this weather. Tim McCarver being the Yes man that he is only agrees between sucking off Joe Buck.

1019: After getting two on and no outs Balfour retires the next three. It remains 2-1 Phillies.

1027: After an hour and a half the grounds crew finishes fixing the mound. Hamels finishes off Iwamura and Joe Buck points out the inconsistencies in the strike zone between the teams. It’s obviously in favor of Philly. I call Shenanigans.

1034: Crawford steals second base to set up a possible tie.

1038: Upton singles to left and somehow Crawford manages to round third and score without slipping.

1039: Ruiz misses a pitch and Upton takes second with Longoria on. He flies out to center to end the inning. First commercial is the Direct TV Griswald one again. The counter is at 6.

1042: A rain delay is finally called. This means Fox has an opportunity to show the Direct TV commercial 7 more times before play resumes.

1043: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver talk about how the Rays luck out by scoring a run before the rain delay is called. Please! Anyone who thought the Major League would let the World Series end on a Rain Delay is a retard! Of course that’s exactly what Buck and McCarver are so it fits.

So MLB has determined the conditions are unplayable and will suspend play until another night. Cole Hamels will most likely not pitch again this Post Season. Is the curse of Billy Penn striking? Let’s hope so!

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