Jag-Off(s) of the Day: Bob Smizik, The Mayor of Phoenix, and Sports Illustrated's Jacob E. Osterhout

Bob Smizik

Let's start with one of the originator's of the Jag-Off posts Mr. Bob Smizik. We hated on Mr. Smizik when we named him #8 on our Top Ten Pittsburgh Jag-Off list after he called us knuckleheads for booing that mercenary Marion Hossa. Then a week later Runhigh smashes the hell out of the 'Man with pubic hair on his head' after Smizik made a pre-season prediction that the Steelers D was over the hill and running on fumes. He then said that they'd only win 9 games and that would win the division. Good call idiot.

We thought that we saw the last of that moron when he retired (got pushed out) a few weeks ago. Unfortunately they still let him blog for the Post Gazette. This time he instantly calls out Pittsburgh fans as uneducated and says that the majority of us have already ruled the Cardinals out of the Super Bowl. He doesn't neglect to add his own superior opinion to the blog saying he is unlike all Pittsburghers and knows better. Well there Bobby we know of your vast genius and knowledge of football thanks to those early season predictions. Unfortunately you forgot that Pittsburghers are THE smartest fans in football. We know how hot teams can get and how they can make impressive runs come playoff time thanks to our very own '05 Steelers and last year's Super Bowl Champions, the Giants. We understand the realities of not underestimating a 9-7 team because we know our history and remember the 1980 Super Bowl team that had to make a late comeback to beat the 9-7 Rams. To think that we don't remember our own Steeler Super Bowl history is asinine. Seriously, we of all fans know that any team can claim victory on any given Sunday. Like I said, Pittsburghers are THE smartest fans in football. There is no debate. So trust us, we aren't under estimating the Cardinals. We're just confident that our team, our 'over the hill running on fumes' defense, can pull off the victory and bring home a record 6th Lombardi Trophy. Mr. Smizik you are officially a grade A Jag-Off.

Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon

I don't know if you got the memo chief or if you just hate your city that much but disrespecting the Terrible Towel curses your team. And when you let people capture it on film you are just another Jag-Off in a pool of retards. Stomp on the symbol of Steeler Country, the symbol of our pride, love for our team and a symbol who's profits go to charity and the curse is placed upon your football squad. I know you tried to apologize but you can't take back that which is done. You are now an unclassy Jag-Off! Enjoy second place.

Sorry Bro' but the Steelers are going to kick the living piss out of your Cardinals

Jacob E. Osterhout

Okay, Okay, Okay so this one may be a bit of a stretch but I just gotta throw this one out there: Jakey, You're about two months too late with your Storm the Court article. Yours truly not only hated on people who unnecessarily storm the field/court and took it a more impressive step further by creating rules. You .... didn't. Go take your Zack Morris outfit to your local gay bar and suck it! You've been declared an Irish Road Jag-Off!

Storm the Field

A sad trend has been sweeping the college nation recently. This trend is storming the field after your team wins. I know storming the field has been around forever but until recently it seems it was reserved for special occasions. Now it seems that anybody who goes and watches a game feels they deserve to run onto the field if their team winds up victorious. There has been way too much of it. With the help of Runhigh we've compiled rules to storming the field. As an added bonus we've thrown in the Cooler Dump rules to help the players figure out when it's appropriate to drench their coach with Gatorade.

Higher Ranked

This is probably the most important rule of them all. That's why it's listed first and it should be noted that it supersedes all other rules for storming the field. Runhigh brought it up at the end of the Pitt vs. Cincinnati game. Pitt ranked #20 was losing to Cincy who was ranked #19. Pitt was trying to score on the last play but the idiots in Cincinnati kept running onto the field and stopping play. The game finally ended and those morons ran back onto the field (for the 3rd freaking time). Meanwhile Runhigh had been shouting for the previous ten minutes "You idiots! You can't storm the field when you're ranked higher than your opponent!" Good point! No storming the field when Your opponent is a ranked lower than you!

The Damn Game's Not Over!
Let's face it. There are some dumb fans. They mostly come from Cincinnati and south of the Mason Dixon line. So please wait until the clock reads all zeros before you start going crazy.

Rivalry Game

During a rivalry game It's acceptable to Storm the field. The only exception are the previous rules. This brought up another question though. Do you storm the field on an opponents turf? I said no .... my reasons were for your own safety and because it's disrespectful. Runhigh says if you have enough fans with you why the hell not? So storm at your own discretion if you're a visiting fan.



Ranked Team vs. Ranked Team

Say two ranked opponents square off? Obviously the higher ranked team's fans can't storm the field for any reason. The lower ranked team? They can only storm the field if they are at least 10 spots below them. The only exception? If your school has never beaten a Top 5 team and you aren't ranked in the Top 5 yourself. Or if you've never beaten a Top 10 team and you're not a Top 10 team. After that you have to observe at least a difference of 10 spots in the rankings.


Significant Victory

If there is a significant victory in the school's history than it's alright to take the field. Victories include the first conference title in the school's history. Once again this rule is overridden by the Higher Ranking rule.







COOLER DUMP

Like fans storming the field the team's players need to know when it's appropriate to dump the cooler on the Coach because let's face it there's more athletes on the field than 'Student-Athletes'. All of the Storming the Field rules apply to drenching the Coach with these additions.


Milestone Victory

If your Coach has reaches a milestone in his career it's perfectly acceptable to drench his with a cooler of your favorite sports drink. Milestones include 100th victory or First Bowl win. If you're ranked higher and he achieves his milestone it's still okay to drench him but your fans have to stay in the stands.



Bowl Game Victory

Last game of the year. It's a Bowl Game. Your team wins. The coach needs to be wet. Especially if the temperature is below 40 degrees. Dump two on him if it's below 20!


Game's Not Over (Part 2)

How many times have you seen a bunch of dumb athletes throw some Gatorade on their coach when they are only up by 7 and there's over 2 minutes left in the game? I can probably count at least 5+ times that I've seen it and watched the other team come back to tie or win it outright.
-If you're up by 3 scores with under 4 minutes go ahead. The other team is almost never going to pull that off.
-If you're ahead by two scores (note to the athletes: 8 pts is not two scores) with under two minutes left then it's okay to go wild.
-Finally, if you're ahead with under a minute and you're kneeling on the ball than it's cool to throw some water on the Coach.

Let's get it right. Too many fans and players have looked pretty retarded lately.