Tales From Craigslist

I really didn't feel like attempting something funny today so I let Craigslist do it for me.

Companiship - $1 (North braddock)
Reply to: mailto:sale-944342720@craigslist.org?subject=Companiship%20-%20$1%20(North%20braddock) [?]Date: 2008-12-04, 12:55AM EST

Will trade handyman work for some time spent together with female,

-Will work for sex probably would get the point across better.

wanted: barter for queen mattress/box (pittsburgh)
Reply to: mailto:sale-944748649@craigslist.org?subject=wanted:%20barter%20for%20queen%20mattress/box%20(pittsburgh) [?]Date: 2008-12-04, 12:21PM EST

this dude here is in need of a queen mattress and box spring. My back is killing me from the futon someone gave me, and the couch is no better. i am really not looking to pay for it, since i have $70 until the 15th. I also dont even know if i can get a queen box (non-split) up my stairs. So i am offering up a shag in leui of money. It will really be a good shag, i promise... i mean hell, if i get a free mattress and box spring, it better be a good long well rounded one. It can be a shag you can fancy, but it can get down and dirty if you want. it just needs a clean place.

-Give me a bed to sleep on and I'll fuck you in it too! Nice trade off dipshit.

Christmas tree, you cut and haul (washington pa)
Reply to: see below Date: 2008-12-02, 10:20AM EST

irregular tree, great for corner. It may be too tall for a room, but it's your job to dispose of any unwanted bottom. 724-229-4779

-There's a shitty tree in my backyard. Come remove it for me for free ..... I mean, uh, hey there's a Free Christmas tree here!

CURB ALERT "THURSDAY'S TRASH" (OAKMONT, PA NEAR VERONA)
Reply to: mailto:sale-940285686@craigslist.org?subject=CURB%20ALERT%20%22THURSDAY [?]Date: 2008-12-01, 12:01PM EST

BASSETT 5-6 DRAWER DRESSER, GOOD CONDITION VERY STURDY (HONEY WOOD COLOR), FIANC`E MOVED IN AND HIS DRESSER DOES NOT COMPLIMENT MY DECOR. I FEEL EXTREMELY BAD, BUT I HAVE NO STORAGE SPACE FOR IT EITHER. PLEASE COME AND GET IT, IT IS ON MY PORCH. I HAVE A DOG, THAT DOES NOT LIKE VISITORS SO PLEASE CALL IN ADVANCE 412-592-2332

-Go me! I've officially made my boyfriend my bitch! Now help me throw out all of his shit! Oh yeah ... watch out for my dog ... he helps me remove the testicles off of men ... Men like my boyfriend.

Free Lazyboy Recliner (Irwin)
Reply to: mailto:sale-939494752@craigslist.org?subject=Free%20Lazyboy%20Recliner%20(Irwin) [?]Date: 2008-11-30, 4:55PM EST

Good shape 724-446-1027

-Hey this pink, falling apart, dirty ass recliner is free! I guess rednecks have a different definition for 'good shape' than the rest of us.

I can not get this gun slinger out of my head!!! w4m (Washington, PA)
Reply to: mailto:pers-934678767@craigslist.org?subject=I%20can%20not%20get%20this%20gun%20slinger%20out%20of%20my%20head!!!%20%20%20%20w4m%20(Washington,%20PA) [?]Date: 2008-11-26, 2:14AM EST

I went to the pistol counter at this Washington store and was looking at all the weapons in the glass showcases that lined the wall. As I strolled down the isle, I was a little uncomfortable with all the attention I was getting from the other patrons looking over their shoulders at the "woman" shopping for a pistol. I spent about 20 minutes with one salesman, asking questions and trying the fit of different pistols in my hands. While doing so, the gentleman to my right, also a patron, was ease dropping on our conversation. After I was satisfied with all the questions I had for the salesman and trying half a dozen or so pistols, I was ready to leave. That's when the man to my right who was ease dropping started giving me some good advice on which pistole may best suit my needs. He spent another 10 minutes or so pointing out different features on some of the models I had previously looked. He advised me on things the salesman did not cover. A big question I had, but did not discuss with the salesman, was the best way to conceal. I spent some time discussing this with Mr. Ease Dropper. Finally, I flat out asked him in a low whisper if he was packing. I'll never forget this.... Staring down from his 6'+ frame to my 5'4" frame, about 12" between us, his narrowing eyes fixed deeply on mine.... He flashed me a crooked smile, then gave me the most sensuous... yet inconspicuous.... nod "Yes". He had me at that point. I don't think I can remember anything else he said from then on. I do remember asking where it's concealed. Out of the corner of my eye, I seen his right hand slowly move up to his right front pocket of his jeans. With a quick head gesture he directed my eyes towards his right front pocket of his pants.... all the while, his eyes never stopped looking at my face. He lifted his shirt ever so slightly. Slowly letting my eyes drift down over his upper body, drinking in every inch of his manly physique, I could see just the grip of his 9MM sticking above the waist line of his jeans... but even more impressive was his firm satin skin pulled tightly over his lower abs. I'm sure my gaze lingered longer then it should have. When I glanced back up at him, his focus remained intently on my eyes. I wondered if he noticed my linger?? Could he tell that long before he ever lifted his shirt, I was loosing myself in him. How I imagined pressing my lips to his, wondered what his manly hands would feel like caressing my body. I know at this point I was starting to blush, so I ended our conversation rather quickly, thank him for his time and skedaddled out of there!! So, do you know what happened next??? I got into my car, stopped at the first mini mart I came to, bought a pack of cigarettes and smoke 3 of them on my drive home!!! And I've been smoke free for 3 weeks!! Damn!!! Mr Ease Dropper, if by some odd chance you read this... I do have more questions for you. Some questions are about firearms, some are not. Email me and tell me what you were wearing.

-John Wayne please report back to the Washington Gun Shop. This chick wants to find out how big that 'gun' in your pocket really is.